My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
found the other keg... it's in the tree
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
