I think i peed on brittanys purse
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
