I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
