you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
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