In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Never underestimate the power of titties
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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