we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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