So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There r osticjed everywhere
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
