she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
