I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
