I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
