Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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