If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
