i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
