O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
