My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
