I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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