New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
