I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
