youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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