Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize