It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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