we were pretty classy up until the second keg
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Did I show you my penis last night?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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