Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
