Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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