I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
