I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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