i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
