ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
