Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
