You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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