also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i drank out of a bidet.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
