He had one of those small greek statue penises
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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