I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
