It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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