I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
worst night to have a conscience
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
