i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Actions speak louder than pants.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
