I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
