Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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