Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
