Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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