That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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