i think my tv is drunk
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
