so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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