You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I want to have your abortion
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
