Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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