When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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