i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i wish my penis had a tongue
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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