guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
