he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
