dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
