My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
