ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
