I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
