She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
