My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize