margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
