Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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