We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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