THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
