Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize