Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
how can u be prego again
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
