Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
