I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
