They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
