we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
