This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
