I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
