Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
