Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
