uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
