The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I am available for nakedness
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
